Benefits of Marriage Counseling

Why Marriage Counseling?

You might be asking yourself, “What’s in it for me?” That’s a valid question. Most people want to know how marriage counseling will benefit them. Whether you’ve been married for six months or over sixty years, counseling can provide valuable support and insight for your relationship.

Marriage counseling helps couples navigate the challenges of life together—not with bitterness, but with growth, understanding, and connection. Here are some of the key benefits:

A Fresh Perspective
Counseling can provide you with new insights into your marriage. People grow and change over time, and what worked in the past may not work today. It helps you see yourself and your spouse in a new light.

Practical Tools
Counseling provides strategies to address and resolve issues in a non-threatening way. You’ll learn how to communicate effectively, know when to agree to disagree, and handle conflict constructively.

Realign Values and Goals
Marriage counseling helps you and your spouse align your values, goals, and dreams. Priorities may have shifted since the day you said “I do,” and counseling creates space to discuss your future together.

Safe Environment
Counseling provides a neutral space to explore challenges. With an unbiased professional present, you can communicate openly, get to the root of problems, and receive guidance to stay on track.

Team-Oriented Approach
Counseling encourages you to view your marriage as a partnership. You’ll learn to work together as a team, prioritizing the relationship and realizing that you are stronger together.

Marriage counseling offers these tools and many more—but the results depend on your willingness to engage. Going in with an open mind and a mindset of “What can I do to make my marriage work?” is essential. Change requires effort, practice, and a willingness to try new approaches when old ones aren’t working.

If you’re wondering, “Is marriage counseling for me?”—it may be, especially if you want a healthy, thriving, and successful marriage but find yourselves struggling or butting heads. The benefits can be transformative, helping you grow closer and build a stronger, more connected partnership.

ME AND MY EXPECTATIONS

We all have a belief system and live according to what we believe. When people enter into relationships, they are usually looking for what they can gain from the relationship, rather than what they can give or bring to the table.   The law of reciprocity says you get what you give or reap what you sow. When you give more, you actually get more.

Having expectations is a good thing because if you don't know what you want, how will you know when you get it, or how will you know you are not getting it? Expectation means: the act or state of looking forward or anticipating; a prospect of future good or profit.

Most of the time, when expectations are discussed in marriage, they tend to focus on what one is expecting from their spouse. Things like: I expect them to love and honor me. I am expecting them to be there for me. I am expecting them to treat me with respect, and the list goes on and on.

But how about the reverse? What are you expecting from yourself? What things are you going to hold yourself accountable for in your relationship?  

Here are 10 things one should consider for themselves and hold themselves responsible for.

I will……….

*Never put anything or anyone before my spouse.

*Treat my spouse with love and respect.

*Listen to my spouse and give them my undivided attention.

*Not hold a grudge. 

*If I do something wrong (and I will), I will ask for forgiveness quickly.

*No matter what comes up, I will stay committed to my spouse.

*Work as a team with my spouse.

*Protect my spouse from all danger, seen and unseen.

*Uplift my spouse, encourage my spouse, and be their number one fan.

*Be the best “me” for my marriage.

When you think of expectations, don't always think about what you are expecting from your spouse. Think about what you are expecting from yourself. After all, you can’t control your spouse, what they do or don’t do, but you can ALWAYS control yourself.

What are you Looking for in Your Relationship?

Sometimes you may look at your marriage and think, “This is not what I signed up for.” I was expecting her to cook dinner every night. He would take long walks with me. We would go out more. We would stay at home more. We would have people over every weekend. We would take mini vacations every weekend. He would help me around the house. She wouldn’t mind my friends coming over every game night. We would spend holidays with my family. We would make our own traditions. I was expecting that he would (fill in the blank). I was hoping she would (fill in the blank). And the list could go on and on.

Expectations are things you are looking for, things you are hoping will happen, things you are anticipating will come to pass, or looking for something to happen a certain way, and if it doesn’t, you are disappointed. Everyone has expectations, and they likely vary from person to person because we are all different and have had different life experiences. There is nothing wrong with expectations. They give us something to look forward to.

Not having your expectation met can cause frustration. If you are irritated because an expectation has not been met, you may need to evaluate the situation. Here are four things to ask yourself:

First, have you discussed the expectation with your spouse? Are you expecting them to do something that you have not verbalized, and they don’t even know that it is a need or want in your life? Your expectations must be discussed with your spouse. Their opinion does matter, especially when the expectation involves them.

Second, is your expectation realistic? Your expectation may seem perfectly doable and valid to you, but another person could see it from a totally different perspective. When your expectations are unrealistic, it gets you into trouble because it leads you to start questioning your decisions, yourself, and whether your spouse truly cares for you. I am not talking about a long grocery list of things because you are not trying to get your spouse to comply with your every wish and command.

One of my expectations was simple, I thought. I’m so glad my husband thought so, too. I expected that when we went on vacation, we would clean the house before we left. I thought this was something simple, and I’m so glad my husband thought the same. I didn’t want to come home to a dirty house, a pile of laundry, a pile of dishes, or vacuuming to do. Who wants to start working right when they step in the door after being on vacation? Not me. Even when I have gone on vacations with girlfriends, my husband has the house spit-shined when I come home, and I love it! He knows that it is important to me, and I really appreciate it.

Third, why is the expectation important? Understanding brings clarity to a situation. Mind-reading is never good because most of the time, we are wrong. We may think we know something, but if it involves another person, ask them because they likely know why they need it. Asking them may cause you to view the situation from a different perspective. Listen to understand. 

Fourth, has the expectation changed? If a person can no longer meet the expectation, they should talk to their partner and explain why it is no longer feasible. If you used to cook every day but now your work hours have changed, and you don’t get home until much later, the expectations may need to be readjusted. You now need to devise an alternative plan for meals. There are lots of options. You could order takeout, go to a restaurant, pick something up on the way home, throw something in the crockpot before you leave, or prep meals for the week. Additionally, if you no longer wish for something to be done that you previously requested, please inform your partner. These four things are a good starting point for evaluating your expectations.

Negotiate your expectations. Make expectations a win/win in your relationship. Some may be feasible, while others may be unrealistic. Ensure that both parties benefit from the arrangement. It is unrealistic that one person gets everything they want and the other person gets nothing. Be open to meeting some of your partner’s important wants and needs.

What you are getting in your relationship now may not be what you signed up for; however, did you ever think that your spouse is thinking the same thing? Ensure that you communicate openly and honestly with one another about your likes, dislikes, wants, and needs.

It’s easy to focus on what you expect from your spouse, but what expectations do you hold for yourself in the relationship? Beyond what you “signed up for,” consider the standards you set for showing love, offering respect, providing care, and consistently giving your best to your partner.

BECOME A STUDENT OF YOUR SPOUSE

Why do people go to school, whether it be college, trade school, or online?  People attend school to improve themselves, so they can live the life they desire.

When you are attending school, other things have to be put on the back burner, and during that time, you are focused on how much time you spend reading your lessons and studying the subject at hand.  You put in the time because you want to earn a good grade.  Most people want an “A” in class.  An “A” means I know the material, and I hope not just to know the material, but also to understand it.

If someone gave you a test on your husband or wife, how would you score? Would you get an A? B? C? D? or would you flunk the test?   I know what you think you should receive; however, what would your spouse give you? 

My challenge to you is to become a STUDENT of your SPOUSE.

One definition for a student is a person formally engaged in learning, a pupil; a person who studies, investigates, or examines thoughtfully.

Do you study your spouse? Do you know their likes, their dislikes, their goals, their dreams, their fears, and their aspirations? To understand these things about your spouse, you must study them, seek to understand them, and learn to communicate effectively with them.  No one should know more about your mate than you do.

For your marriage to be fulfilling, you must become a student of your spouse to understand what makes them tick and what ticks them off.  Studying your spouse can lead to a more intimate relationship with them.  So get to studying!

What Makes a Healthy Marriage? Pt 1

Consider how your body requires specific vitamins, minerals, and exercise to function at its optimal potential. Your marriage also requires certain ingredients to flourish. A healthy marriage doesn't just happen; it doesn't happen by osmosis. If you want your marriage to grow, to thrive, and be healthy, certain ingredients should be present. 

If you ask different people what it takes to have a healthy marriage, you may get several different answers. Here are four ingredients that will help you get on the path to a healthy marriage:

Commitment

When you said “I do”, you committed (a promise, a vow, a pledge) to be with your spouse through the thick and thin, good and bad, and sickness and health. This means you are in it for the long haul; you are not looking for a way out. Instead, you are looking for ways to enhance the relationship, ways to work with your spouse, not against your spouse. So recommit to the marriage, recommit to yourself, and your spouse that whatever comes, whatever goes, it will not shake the foundation of your marriage.

Responsibility

When you are responsible, you are accountable to yourself and to your spouse. You are saying that you will be man or woman enough to take responsibility and be accountable for your actions/words/thoughts/feelings. Playing the blame game gets you nowhere. You are the one who CHOOSES how you will act and respond to others. When you are wrong, admit it and choose to make better choices in the future.

Forgiveness

To forgive someone doesn't mean you condone their behaviors or actions. Forgiveness is about letting go of the hurt that was caused and moving forward. When you are married, you will certainly have disagreements; you will inevitably do or say something that your spouse dislikes. Your spouse is likely to do something or say something that may hurt your feelings. No one is perfect. So, if you can forgive your spouse quickly and not harbor bad feelings or thoughts toward them, you will spare yourself some heartache. Forgive your spouse and learn to forgive yourself as well.

Love   

When I say “love,” I am not referring to the warm, fuzzy feelings you get when you see your spouse—because those feelings come and go. I am referring to “love” as a verb. Love is an action word. You can tell your mate all day long that you love them, but if your actions don’t align with your words, those words won’t carry much weight.

Here is a good definition of love:

“Love is patient. Love is kind. Love isn’t jealous. It doesn’t sing its own praises. It isn’t arrogant. It isn’t rude. It doesn’t think about itself. It isn’t irritable. It doesn’t keep track of wrongs. It isn’t happy when injustice is done, but it is happy with the truth. Love never stops being patient, never stops believing, never stops hoping, never gives up. Love never comes to an end.”
—1 Corinthians 13:4–8 (GW)

It’s never too late to make adjustments, tweaks, and changes. If these ingredients are missing in your marriage, why not start today by implementing them so that your marriage can begin to thrive? There is nothing like a healthy marriage.